Dear Sk8er Boiz,

Do you remember yesterday when you approached my car and terrorized my dog? I certainly do. I saw you, skateboarding along Target's sidewalk and didn't really think twice about you. Average, punk looking kid...but, hey, I don't judge. I got out of my car, started walking to the door when I heard my dog barking, which is pretty rare since she rides with me often for a quick trip to the store. When I turned back to see what she was barking at, I realized it was YOU, banging on the window and "barking" at my dog. I only wish that she had the smarts to roll down the window and bite your nose off. Luckily for you, she is not the brightest bulb in the shed.

What kind of creature raised you to think that this is okay? Why couldn't you have just walked by and said, "hey, there's a dog"? Instead, you decided to turn into some sort of demon and act in a way that would make your mother disclaim you as her son. It's people like you that piss the world off. It's not the fact that you're a skateboarder...I honestly do not judge that quickly. But you piss the world off when you do idiotic things....like bark at a dog in a car.

Had there not been several people around to witness, I would have unleashed the terror. But I am the better person. That is quite obvious.

A piece of advice...go to school, ditch the skateboard when you graduate, attend a decent college, and grow up. We all do stupid things. You are especially handicapped in this way, which is okay. Some people aren't blessed with brains. I beg you though, to think carefully the next time you act like that. People are watching.

Dos Cosas

Two things that are bothering this morning:

1) People who go to the gym for attention.

I love my gym. Generally, the people there are very pleasant, hard-working souls like myself, just trying to justify that giant piece of chocolate cake they called dinner. As an additional bonus, my gym just got brand new equipment that has us all flabbergasted as to how it works. (Do I touch this button? ....NO. Definitely not.) All in all, it's a very motivational group to be around. Until Ms.IncrediBody walks through the door in her hot pink Puma track jacket, stretchy bottoms (that just barely meet the requirements for shorts) and hot pink running shoes. It's almost like a choreographed Broadway show when she walks through the door as the walking testosterone suddenly forget that they're even at the gym and the sweaty, "curvy" women like myself roll our eyes and push our ellipticals up a few levels. Even more obnoxious: when she walks for 5 minutes, lifts a weight and calls it good. I can only hope that underneath the fake tan and bleached-blonde hair that there is some legit reason for her paying $40 a month for something other than to confirm that "yes, I am attractive."

2) People who suck at email.

a) Do not write in ALL CAPS.
b) Do not "reply all" when "all" do not want to hear what you think about the sender.
c) Do not ask to unsubscribe from my emails, then find 3 more emails from the past that I sent you and become angry that they are still in your inbox. If you would like a better explanation, please let me know.

Cow Dog Comes Home!!!

So I'm happy to report that Jersey has made her way back, although it's safe to say that she actually never left. You see, my half-brained cow of a dog managed to lock herself in the shed yesterday morning, and her half-brained owner didn't think to check there before alerting the masses. A big thanks to all who spent hours driving around, pissing people off for driving so slow. I very much appreciate the hugs and positive thinking that I received from everyone....even though now I feel like a total ass for panicking oh-so-much.

Jersey is very much happy to be inside today, since she probably spent the majority of yesterday crammed in between folding chairs and my stash of summer clothes, stored in giant crates. She didn't potty all day and spent a good portion of her first few minutes of freedom relieving herself. What a good dog. Stuffed lobster was equally excited for her return.

I do have to say "wow" at the Kootenai County Animal Control lady (sorry I don't know your name). She is amazing. First of all, she called yesterday (from her cell phone) after I reported Jersey missing to ensure me that she would do some extreme searching and to offer some tips as I was on my own dog-hunt. After I found Jersey, I made sure to call animal control and cancel the missing dog report. Mrs. Animal Control then called me this morning to express how happy she was that my little friend was found and wanted to know the whole story. How sweet and so unexpected from animal control.

Our happy little family has been reunited. Cheers!

Where, oh where, has my little dog gone....

Jersey ran away today. This is quite possibly the saddest thing that has happened to me in a long time...I'm still hoping that someone has found her and is keeping her warm and toasty before they call. She's probably having the time of her life right now, running through yards and chasing little kitties around the neighborhood. I've had three people out looking for her, though...with no such luck.

Animal control was, surprisingly, very pleasant. They were comforting and helpful, even though I'm sure they have to deal with lost and found doggies all day. They assured me they would call right away if anyone reported seeing her. I made sure they knew she looked like a cow. That is one very important detail.

I may be a bit obsessed with my dog, but she is the greatest little friend to have in the world. Never judgmental, always smiling, and ready to play at a moment's notice. Loyal as the dickens.


Please, please come home, little friend...your stuffed lobster is waiting.

Like Nails on a Chalkboard....

Super One Foods had an amazing sale last night, where a whole assortment of goodies were amazingly cheap. I got a dozen eggs for 98 cents. Call me old, but that's a steal. So, needless to say, Super One Foods was packed with people. I even went a bit late to avoid the mad rush of the 5:00 crowd, but I still had to park in the boon-doonies that was covered in black ice.

While I was shopping, I overheard this horrible screaming of a little boy. If there could be a live example of screaming bloody murder, he would be it - hands down. Now, there could have been several things that he was upset about...didn't get his superman fruit snacks or his captain crunch, but whatever it was, he was definitely pissed. A few minutes later, I glanced up to see the screaming parade walk past me in the frozen foods section. And then I realized. If I had parents like that, I'd be screaming too.

The dad looked like he came straight out of a dumpster from the 80's. I'm pretty sure his clothes hadn't been washed in at least a month. His hair was longer than mine, with a backwards Chicago Bulls hat on top. Unshaven and, I'm guessing, 5, maybe 6 teeth. Don't even get me started on the mom. She looked like someone who was stupid enough to sleep with....THAT.

Now, I'm not a judgmental person. I realize that appearances don't mean everything. But the way they tried to shut their kid up disgusted me. The poor kid probably just wanted some chocolate milk or something, and the dad kept grabbing his arm and shaking it around like THAT was the key to silence. When that didn't work, he tried to physically keep his jaw shut with his hands...it was then that I almost went into ninja mode and kicked his ass. But it wasn't just me that was looking and I think the dad finally noticed that he was about to get sacked like Tom Brady in the Superbowl.

I finished my shopping and went to the checkstand only to be followed by bloody murder himself and the parents from hell. I turned around to give the kid a comforting smile when I saw the 3 cases of Milwaukee's Best sitting in the cart. And a frozen pizza. I almost kidnapped the child right then and there. Especially when I started smelling the alcohol pour from their unbathed bodies. Even the lady at the check stand gave me the look like, "do I have to sell this to them?" When I left, the disgustingtons were in search of bloody murder who had, apparently, decided that enough was enough and ran away, leaving only his jacket behind.

All I could think was, "Run, Forrest, Run..."